it was the 2000s. i had a ps2 and a classic beige pc. i'd browse the internet looking for games and youtube videos (especially naruto edits). life was good.

i always loved the internet. it was awesome to think i could talk to anyone and bond over the same interests or find someone cool who liked the same stuff as me. i never really had the habit of visiting blogs or websites — youtube was my jam, and that's how i discovered pewdiepie way too young. at 11, i had my first youtube channel and a blog about games. it’s probably still floating out there.

the internet taught me my second language: english. i have a 12-year friendship thanks to it. i met amazing and terrible people online. i have a career because of it.

you see, the internet was always a good place to me. even now, when it seems like a bad place for a lot of people, i can still find some good in it.

it’s been a lifelong dream to put my thoughts out there — which is something i’m terrified of doing. i don't know why. i’m just very self-conscious about anything i do. my own existence pains me. but now that i’m older, i try not to overthink it. the internet has room for everyone — anyone can be a streamer, a youtuber, a tiktoker, a musician, an actor, or just someone who tweets too much. you can be anything. so why am i still so scared of existing? of trying?

this website is my “fuck off, me!” moment — my attempt to exist in a place i truly love.

my name is larissa, or you can call me rato, or iris. my biggest passion in life is music. i once tried to pursue it in college, but that didn’t pan out. so i went with my second love: tech. i love making videos, snapping photos of things i like or find interesting. i have 4 female dogs, 1 male dog, and 2 boy cats. i talk too much, think too much, and sometimes miss what matters most — if you talk to me, i might walk off mid-convo or cut you off because something popped into my brain. i swear i’m not being rude. even when i’m listening, i’m still thinking.

i never really liked reading, although i always found books interesting... that changed in 2021. i bought my first three books at a local bookstore — all music-related, of course. since then, i’ve become really passionate about books. i like to write too — not books, but songs — though i don't think i'm a good songwriter. i can create cool guitar riffs, though!

my favorite author is isaac asimov. i got into his work recently after my friend lara recommended his most famous book, i, robot. i gotta be honest, i didn’t care much for it at first — but it lingered in the back of my mind. i went looking for more, and last year i bought the positronic man. i fell in love immediately. now i've read his entire robot short stories, bought his foundation series and robot series, and i want to read all of his 500 books in my lifetime.

my dad shaped my music taste — lots of disco, american funk, r&b, and hard rock. my mom loves madonna. her food is my safe space. my girlfriend taught me to believe in myself more. my friends and family remind me that i’m not unlovable — which is a hard thing to believe when your own mind tells you the opposite.

growing up, video games, mtv, the internet, and music were my best friends. i'm an only child — a very lonely one. my mom was overprotective, so i rarely hung out with other kids. i got used to being on my own a lot.

you are your mother's only son and you're a desperate one.
but i don't want a lover, i just want to be seen.

yeah. kinda sad. but here’s the twist: most people think i’m funny. “life of the party” type. i'm a huge chandler bing fan — that says a lot about how i cope. i joke a lot, especially when i’m nervous. i like making people feel at ease. i smile a lot. i don’t think i’m overly sarcastic — just a bit goofy and stupid.

as i mentioned before, i'm passionate about music — way too passionate. i know my dad once dreamed of being a musician but never had the patience to learn. me, on the other hand, can play acoustic guitar, electric guitar, ukulele, piano-ish, and i want to learn bass and drums too.

my dad cried the first time i played for him — it was what's up by 4 non blondes. i love collecting cds and vinyls. twenty one pilots is my favorite band — they helped me a lot during my teen years and still do now in my 20s. favorite songs? addict with a pen, anathema, kitchen sink. i even have tattoos for the first two. the self-titled album is my favorite. even though twenty one pilots is my current favorite, linkin park was my first love. it took me years to get over chester’s death.

i used to have a hannah montana toy drumset. guitar hero was (and still is) my favorite game. i had a black toy guitar with flame stickers. my heart races and i get so excited whenever i see instruments or anything music-related. i love music.

music was my first career choice. i used to upload youtube videos hoping to be discovered — justin bieber style — but i always felt too self-conscious showing my face and deleted everything. i have a soundcloud account with a few covers to compensate for the overthinking. i think i’m a good singer, not a good songwriter, a decent guitar player. part of me still hopes to “make it,” but i’ve accepted that it probably won’t happen.

my tech career started in 2021 after i got rejected from music college. i was devastated. thought my life was over. teens, right? i cried for days. one time, i was so lost that i asked to leave my internship early just to take two buses across town to buy a guitar pick. weirdly enough, it helped. over time, i accepted that things not working out doesn’t mean they’ll never work out.

if i had gone to music school, things might’ve gone horribly wrong. let’s be real: if you’re poor, being an artist in brazil is brutal. so music became my hobby, and tech — my job.

i hated being in tech for the first two years. hated college, hated the job, hated every minute. until i discovered cloud computing — and that changed everything.

i don’t like programming. i know how to code, i’ve learned the logic, i even built this website myself! but i don’t enjoy it. i mean, i like creating stuff, so in a way i like programming — but not as a job. it’s stressful. and for the longest time, it felt like being a programmer was the only option in tech.

then i got to know the tech industry better and realized there were other paths.

i’ve been in tech for three years now, mostly in support roles. it gave me a strong foundation, but i hated dealing with customers. i thought i was doomed to become a dev. then came an internship as a level 2 support engineer — and that’s when i found cloud and devops. it was love at first sight.

i’ve been studying ever since, and i’m proud to say: i made the switch. now i’m an infra engineer — a dev (which is hilarious considering i used to hate coding). but cloud? cloud set me on fire. i love building things, love the responsibility. i love my job. i love my team. i get to work with people from all over and learn about different cultures. professionally, i’m in a really good place.

i got so into tech that i stopped hating it — now i love it. and i learned something huge: i like logic and numbers. i used to think i was just a “creative type” — into words, not math. but school just failed me. since last year, i’ve fallen in love with math and i want to get better at it.

i realized i don’t have to be one thing only. i can be musical, logical, creative, technical — all at once. no labels.

i’ll write another post soon about my “ode to freedom” — my journey ditching microsoft and google because i’m done with ads and surveillance capitalism. look at me — a real computer scientist now. (and a fucking nerd, too.)

anyway, i’ve said a lot. you get the picture. we’ll get to know each other more as i update this site with my thoughts. i’m not as scared of existing anymore — baby steps, right?

and oh — if you really want to know, my favorite tv shows are: friends, brooklyn 99, modern family, the haunting of hill house, bly manor, and ahs.
favorite movie? i don’t really know... the nightmare before christmas.

guess who my favorite character from each one is. ;)